My Problem with Instagram

I want to start off this post by saying a couple things. I started this blog a year ago with every intention of setting goals and deadlines to put out content. I was excited to have a platform to write about life updates and so on and so forth but as usual, life ends up getting in the way. Now I’m not apologizing for the lack of blog posts but merely putting this out there as a bit of a heads up that I want to post more but that I have no idea how regularly that will be. So bear with me. Now with that being said, today’s post is pretty personal but I felt that everything in it needed to be said so let’s jump right in.

I, like most people, have and use social media every day but today I want to take the time to talk about Instagram specifically. Around seven months ago I did something big, I logged out of my Instagram account and deleted it from my phone. I stepped away from the app I have loved and used since I first made my account in 2012. I walked away because life got hard and Instagram felt fake.  My feed was filled to the brim with blogger moms who did everything to make their accounts look perfect. They dress their kids and themselves in clothes that are handmade from little shops. They post about what they eat during the week and post workout pictures humble bragging about how perfect their bodies are after having a baby. In every photo their hair and makeup are perfect, their child is behaving, and their house is immaculate. Every Instagram post is perfectly captioned, they even make sure to apologize for posting more than once in a day. For a person who doesn’t have their life completely figured out, seeing these accounts everyday wears you down. You start feeling alone, like you can’t be friends with women like them because you didn’t have makeup on in the last picture you posted. Your toddler isn’t dressed in a $57 hand painted shirt like everyone else’s toddler. These moms on Instagram have slowly developed a mob mentality when it comes to social media. Everyone must post the same things, wear the same clothes, and engage with all the same people just enough to make it seem like everyone is apart of this perfect “tribe.” Now let me just stop myself for a moment and say I am all for surrounding yourself with great women and encouraging each other but more often that not what you see on Instagram and how these women interact with each other is fake. Have you ever noticed that the same people comment the same little messages on the same accounts? This is not what friendship looks like. All too often I see women get frustrated and take breaks from Instagram because despite their feed looking like everything is perfect, their personal lives are taking a beating. Maybe their husband is away for work, maybe their toddler is having a hard week or maybe it’s something small like they got a bad haircut. We’re fools to think that everyone is perfect all the time. No one is perfect, yet we like to pretend that we are. We like to make it seem like we have it all together and that we have a grip on life. But why do we do this?

Well we live in this society where people tend to cover up their “bad parts.” The less desirable moments in their life that they don’t want to talk about. Why should we cover up our struggles and pretend that life fits perfectly in edited photos and cute little descriptions? Me personally, I don’t want that. My life is messy and hard but so beautiful. I am happy, my family is happy and we’re healthy despite the many roadblocks we’ve faced this year. Throughout these last seven months I have wanted to log into Instagram countless times and update people on what was going on in our lives. I wanted to tell people what was happening in my life because that is what we do, when we face something big we rush to update Instagram. I wanted to pretend that things were pretty and perfect just to be like the other cute moms that grace my newsfeed but as you can probably surmise, things weren’t pretty and perfect. This year has been overwhelmingly difficult for my husband, James, and I. We started the year off in countless orthopedic surgeon appointments for James which resulted in him having his torn meniscus repaired. The three of us got Strep G, and I had a ruptured ovarian cyst which resulted in two ER trips in three days and three walk-in clinic visits within a two-week period. My grandmother and James’s grandfather died weeks apart. I flew to Texas to spend time with my dad and help him get things in order after my grandmothers passing. We drove to Maine to spend time with James’s family and celebrate his grandfather’s life. James and I both have had nasty cases of food poisoning in the last month and Wyatt is currently having a hard time with his two-year molars. Yet even though all of this is and was going on behind the scenes, you wouldn’t have a clue from the pictures I wanted to post showcasing the fake side of my life. The parts that looked worthy for Instagram that I so badly wanted to post but I didn’t because I was sick of being apart of the problem of lying about my life for likes.

Now I didn’t just tell you all of that to get sympathy or to get attention, I wrote all of that because that has been our real, honest to goodness life these last few months. Things have been insane and sad and downright not “Instagram worthy” but despite it all we have grown so much as a family. We had so many opportunities to make new memories, memories that I felt like I didn’t have to share with everyone who follows me. My dad and I were able to explore Dyess AFB, the base where my grandmother got married and played golf. James and I were able to make so many special memories with his family, from staying in the old church that was undoubtedly haunted to eating ice cream in the freezing rain with tons of people who I am so blessed to be able to call family. During all this time I wasn’t obsessed with getting the best picture for Instagram, in fact most of the time we forgot to take pictures! I wasn’t worrying about if I looked put together and like my life wasn’t being held together by a piece of string. I wasn’t trying to make sure I was the perfect Instagram mom, I was simply living my life. I was being the best wife, mom and friend I could be.

I want to be honest with you and tell you what has happened with us these last few months because I want to show how you that everything may look good on the outside, but things may be falling apart on the inside. And there is not a single thing wrong with that.

When someone takes a break from social media, do you think about them? Do wonder where they are and wonder how they’re doing? Did you reach out to them to see if they were okay? We like to talk about how we are all friends and we need to stick together. We even live in a world where people actively make friends online and they can become true friends but when was the last time you made the effort to reach out to someone to see how they are doing? We like to leave comments telling people how much we love them or how cute their baby is, and these comments seem innocent. But have you ever noticed the people who leave the same exact comment on all the accounts you mutually follow? You see the more you interact and comment on other people’s Instagram accounts the more engagement you get. More followers means more people see your content and they themselves comment the same old comments about your own baby and family. It’s the same cycle over and over. We always hear that we need to have and find our “tribe.” That as a mom you must find your group and be there for each other, but people are shallow and worry more about their theme, getting the right comments and getting as many likes as they can then actually having real friendships. They want their “tribe” to buy their presets, they want to look perfect on Instagram and show off how they seem to have everything put together. And when someone in their “tribe” or girl gang or whatever you call it, posts about a difficult time in their life, everyone rushes to the comments to reach out and offer their support. They talk about how much they love you and your family and that they are thinking about you. They let you know that you can talk to them at anytime but think about the last time you followed up with a friend you knew was struggling? We meet people online and become friends but when they disappear or take a break from social media, we ghost them. Have you noticed a friend take a break from posting? Did you reach out to see if they were okay? Did you even think about them while they were gone? If you were in their shoes, going through a difficult time would you want people to miss you? To reach out and ask you how you’re doing? We are quick to offer a simple comment but only because it usually means you get more attention to your own account and more engagement from other people.

Would you be friends with the people who follow you on Instagram if your friendship was private? If other people didn’t see the edited pictures and cute comments you leave on each other’s page, be honest would you still be friends? Think about that before you answer. Would you be friends outside Instagram?

I for one and sick of being fake, I want to make friends and be a real friend to those around me. I don’t want to feel ashamed of the hard times in my life. I want surround myself with friends who want nothing but the best for me and vice versa. To support and be a friend outside of Instagram. I can say that stepping away from Instagram has been the most eye opening experience and has made me feel better in more ways that I could say. We are constantly reminded that we as women should have a group of friends like us but when it comes down to it, we become selfish and just want to get something out of the friendship. So I am ending that cycle in my life, I want to continue to grow from here and take steps forward. I am ready for a change, are you?

Julianna